


Dan Howell Sucks, Literally

by fringegapphil



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Hand Jobs, M/M, Smut, Swearing, Vampire AU, humor?, i dont know what the fuck this is, i guess you could call it enemies to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-26 20:53:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5020138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fringegapphil/pseuds/fringegapphil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dan and Phil get off on the wrong foot when meeting, Phil tries to befriend the stuck-up vampire time after time again. Dan however doesn't think he can ever be friends with a human, let alone someone as happy as Phil, but of course that doesn't stop Phil from trying. If anyone was going to get Dan to see the brighter side of things, it was going to be Phil.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dan Howell Sucks, Literally

**Author's Note:**

> You can read this [fic](http://fringegapphil.tumblr.com/post/131388546910/dan-howell-sucks-literally) on my [tumblr](http://fringegapphil.tumblr.com/)

Dan Howell had been a vampire for around three hundred years, and in all the time he had been one, he saw the human race evolve. Technology came and got smarter as did the humans around him, but nothing they could do would stop Dan from thinking of them as ignorant beings. Sure, they could go to the moon, but in all his years not a single human he met could wrap their brain around Vampires. They always had some stupid theory or stereotype in their heads when Vampires were mentioned and Dan would roll his eyes because of it. 

Phil Lester was nothing different. When they had met outside of a random Starbucks (which Dan had become accustomed to visiting) Dan hadn't even planned to talk to him. Though Phil was bright-eyed and outgoing in a way that made Dan want to barf, and Phil had randomly taken to talking to him as they entered the place. Dan tried to ignore him, but Phil didn't even notice him ignoring him, so he kept going. He talked to Dan about the weather because it was slightly warmer than it usually was outside and Phil somehow found that interesting. Dan was once again fighting off the urge to kill the blue-eyed boy when he sat down across from him after Dan had gotten his coffee. Phil didn't seem to be talking anymore though, so that was good. Dan sipped his coffee as Phil looked about in childish wonder at god knows what. 

“Oh wow I'm so stupid!” Phil exclaimed as he faced Dan once again. Dan ended up spilling his coffee on his jeans and he growled in anger, agreeing fully with the statement Phil had made. Phil was immediately up and getting napkins, as Dan sat with coffee soaking into his cotton briefs. When Phil had returned, he handed the napkins to Dan who spitefully took them, knowing full well that they wouldn't help the already drying situation. 

“Sorry I didn't mean to startle you into spilling your drink. I just wanted to tell you my name is-”

“I don't really care what you're name is.” Dan sneered, standing up and staring directly at Phil. Phil stood with wide-eyes, looking as close to a kicked puppy as you could get. Dan didn't feel bad, he didn't, but as tears brimmed in the man's eyes and he felt everyone stare on them, he regretted his actions. 

“I-I'm sorry,” Phil choked out, turning around and rushing off to the bathrooms. Dan almost let out a sigh of relief, seeing him leave, but a lady that had obviously seen the interaction, huffed out a breath and turned away from him. Dan wouldn't really have cared, but everyone who had seen the stupid thing happen were glaring daggers at Dan. Dan clenched his jaw and tried not to yell, because that would not help the situation. Instead he decided to go and find the black haired man child, muttering about how stupid and delicate the human race was. 

He entered the men's bathroom, seeing a few men using the urinals, and sighing once again. He waited for everyone of them to leave, all of them giving Dan weird stares as he left. He stood for a moment, hearing nothing but the faucet dripping to his left, but then he heard a sniffle and a door unlocking. The man who he had yelled at not minutes before walked out of the cubicle, wiping at his eyes as he bent over the sink. Dan rolled his eyes and locked the door, pressing himself up against it. 

Phil was apparently startled by the noise as he jumped away from the sink and fell to the floor. Dan walked towards him, watching as the man cowered, as a child would before being hit. Dan grabbed at the mans wrists, pulling his up to his eye level and he heard Phil let out a whimper. 

“Please don't hurt me, I'm sorry for spilling your drink.” Phil whined, turning his head to the side so he wasn't facing Dan. Dan wanted to laugh, taken back by how scared the man was of him. Dan hadn't even thought of hurting him, but his stomach growled and he thought for a moment he could just drink the mans blood and be done with it. He smirked at the idea, pushing the stranger up against the nearest wall and smiling sweetly at him. 

“Oh it won't hurt that much, it'll just be a pinch.” Phil froze at the words, turning to face Dan. Dan bared his teeth and Phil got even paler. 

“O-Oh my god, you-you have fangs. Oh god.” Phil stuttered, wiggling in Dan's hold. “Please don't bite me, I don't want to be a vampire, or whatever you are. Please I-” His rambling was cut short by a sob. Dan crinkled his nose and dropped the man in front of him, who then fell to the floor with a thud. He stared at the crying man as he crumbled into tears below him, and thought how pathetic he really seemed. 

“I won't bite you, jesus, just stop crying!” Upon hearing his words, the man stopped crying and looked up at Dan. 

“I'm sorry-”

“And stop apologizing!” Dan groaned. 

“Sor-” The man blushed and looked down, catching himself before he finished the word. “You just kind of scare me.”

"I get that a lot.” Dan leaned over and picked Phil up once again, letting go of him once he was on his feet. Phil had his head hung as he stood across from Dan, and he shuffled his feet. “Look, I was going to suck you dry but you're far too pathetic, congratulations.” Phil sniffled and looked up at Dan with those damn puppy-dog eyes and Dan groaned. Phil didn't say anything, but Dan knew he was feeling awkward, and he could sense the questions. 

“What is it?” Dan sighed, leaning on the wall next to Phil. 

“I was wondering if you were really a vampire?” Phil asked, and Dan rolled his eyes. His head had begun to hurt from doing that so much that day. 

“Yes, I am. Is that is?” Dan asked, hoping Phil wouldn't say anything more. But of course he did. 

“That's so cool! What is it-” Phil turned and saw the annoyed face Dan had and he decided not to ask. “Yeah that's it.” He settled for. 

“It's not all that cool, trust me.” Dan said non nonchalantly, trying to end the conversation. He didn't really want to hear the questions that nearly every human that he had interacted with had asked. “We just drink blood and laugh at humans. No big deal.”

“Why would you laugh at humans?” Phil asked, looking at Dan again. 

“Cause you guys are always asking stupid questions about vampires, getting yourself killed in the most ridiculous ways, and your wardrobes.” Dan snorted. “Anyone would laugh if they had a working brain in their heads.” Phil was kind of a walking example of the last part. His bright blue sweater with a pug on it and his red shoes just screaming ridiculous. 

“Hey! You should never make fun of something someone can't change about themselves.” Phil said, crossing his arms. 

“Yes, well, you can change your attire.” Dan commented, seeing Phil's jaw drop in shock. Dan chuckled in a mocking manner at that and pushed himself from the wall and started to walk away when he felt his wrist being pulled. He was yanked back in front of the man, who stared at him sternly. 

“You are very rude, you know that? I understand you probably don't get out much but you can't-”

“Who says I don't get out much!?” Dan yelled, seething in anger at the boys assumption. 

“I just figured,” Phil said snarkily. “Considering the way you act.” Phil stuck his nose up and turned away from Dan. Dan growled and pushed him against the wall again.  

“Excuse you, but I get out plenty. I'm just tired of having to deal with people like you.” Dan said, his voice low and husky. 

“That's still no way to act.” Phil said, seemingly not scared of Dan anymore. He could change that. 

“I could suck all of your blood right now, in he most painful way possible, and I would just be doing it to spite you.” Dan growled. 

“You know I don't think you could.” Phil remarked. “Because you already would have if you really wanted too. You're just trying to scare me.” Dan growled and leant in closer to Phil. 

“I swear to god, you little shit I will-”

“What is your name?” Dan was taken back and he squinted at Phil. 

“what?” He said dubiously. 

“I asked what your name was.” Phil stated, looking at Dan with no hint of humor on his features.

“Why?” Dan questioned, backing away from Phil a bit. 

“Because I want to know your name?” Phil said, like he hadn't just been sort of arguing with the stranger before him. 

“Daniel Howell, but if you call me Daniel I will literally kill you.” Phil snickered, then smiled at Dan. 

“Phil Lester, nice to meet you, Daniel.” Dan sneered and pushed Phil back against the wall. Phil just started laughing, and Dan was shocked. 

“Why are you laughing?” Dan growled. Phil just wiped at his tears and let himself calm down to answer. “People say I'm sensitive but you seem like a bigger baby than me!” Phil began to laugh again and Dan decided he didn't want anything to do with the man anymore. He began to walk away when he heard his name being called from behind him. “Wait, Dan, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.” Phil stumbled over to Dan. “I know we kind of got off on the wrong foot but maybe we can be friends?”

“I don't have friends.” Dan said gruffly, unlocking the door and walking out. Phil followed. 

“Well than I can be your first!” Phil said, trailing along after Dan. Dan just ignored him and walked out of the coffee shop without another word. 

He was about a block off when he noticed the presence of another person behind him still. He whipped around and Phil froze, looking slightly guilty. In his hands he held a flower that seemed to have been picked from somewhere along the pavement. Phil smiled and held out the flower, and Dan just let his shoulder sag. Phil was probably the most interesting, yet annoying human he had ever met. 

“What are you doing?” Dan asked, running his hands through his short brown fringe. 

“I wasn't following you I swear! I just found these pretty flowers outside the shop and I figured someone like you could do with some pretty stuff in their life.” Phil said, scratching the back of his neck and holding the flower out farther. Dan snatched the flower away from Phil. 

“Great, so now you can leave me alone. Goodbye.” Dan turned around to leave, not even turning around to see the utter state of shock he had put Phil in. 

When he got home, Dan sighed in relief and toed off his shoes. He was about to walk up the stairs when he remembered the small flower in his hand. He was so close to throwing the stupid thing away, when he sighed and thought that maybe having a flower in his house wasn't _that_ bad. He could use something to stare at when he was eating cereal anyways, he reasoned. He filled the vase with water and placed the little red flower in it. He smirked as the flower floated on the top of the water, almost like it was trying not to drown. 

-

It was a few weeks before they saw each other again. Dan was going out to feed when he heard Phil call his name. He internally groaned and kept walking, trying his best to ignore the man who was running up behind him. 

“Dan! I'm glad it's you, otherwise I would look crazy yelling the wrong name.” Phil laughed, coming up beside Dan. 

“You already look crazy,” Dan mumbled, picking up the pace to avoid Phil. Phil just laughed and continued to walk next to Dan, keeping pace with him.

“So what are you doing today Dan?” Phil asked, turning his head to look at Dan. Dan rolled his shoulders back and cracked his neck. 

“I'm going to kill people and drink their blood.” Dan stated, seeing Phil's eyes go wide in his peripherals. Phil then rolled his eyes and bumped into Dan's shoulder. 

“I'm going to see my friends,” Phil rambled, watching his feet as he walked. He then suddenly stopped and pulled on Dan's sleeve. “You should come with!” Phil exclaimed, smiling widely. 

“That's a really nice offer Phil, really.” Dan said, peeling Phil's hand off his sleeve. “But I have a prior engagement, and if I'm being honest, I would rather watch grass grow then meet your friends.” Dan turned to walk away, but he saw the sad face Phil had on and he sighed and turned back. “Oh not this again.” Dan said under his breath, watching as Phil hiccuped with tears forming in his eyes. “Look Phil, don't take it personally, I'm just not a people person alright?” 

“I realize that,” Phil chuckled, wiping away the tears from his eyes. Phil smiled weakly and hung his head. “I know I can be a bit too outgoing sometimes.” Dan stopped himself from laughing. A bit, yeah. Phil was making him feel bad, and really, he hadn't done anything. Dan sighed in resignation, ruffling his hair and facing Phil. 

“You want me to meet your friends?” Phil nodded enthusiastically. “Why?”

“Because I think you're really cool, even if you are grumpy all the time.” Dan scowled,and Phil just laughed. “See!” Phil shook his head an continued. “And I might have told them I met a vampire and they don't believe me.” Dan froze, slowly meeting eyes with the sheepish looking man in front of him.

“You told them what!?” Dan yelled, and Phil shrugged.

“For what it's worth, they don't believe me.” Phil said reassuringly, trying to calm down the obviously angry Dan in front of him. Dan let out a deep breath that lifted his fringe and his shoulder slumped. 

“Fine.” Dan said simply, waiting for Phil to move. 

“Wait, what?” Phil said, tilting his head.

“I said fine, I'll meet your stupid friends,” Dan responded, shaking his head at himself. 

Phil quite literally squealed and took Dan's hand, pulling him along in the opposite direction. Dan let himself be dragged along, because for some reason he knew this wasn't the last time he was going to be seeing Phil. Phil brought them to a tiny coffee house that was much less corporate than Starbucks, and smelled like warmth felt. Phil stopped them right outside the doors as he peered inside, seemingly trying to find someone. When he did spot the people he was looking for, he rushed inside, leaving Dan outside. Dan clicked his tongue, feeling as though he was being betrayed by Phil here. He turned around to leave when he felt a hand grab his shoulder and spin him around. 

“Come on!” Phil shouted, a smile plastered on his face. He dragged Dan inside, towards two other brunette boys. The one with curly hair and green eyes stood up first to shake hands with Dan. Dan looked at Phil, who was looking at him expectantly, and he hesitantly shook the mans hand. 

“I'm PJ, you must be Daniel.” The curly haired man-PJ said. 

“Dan.” Was Dan's reply, as he quickly pulled his hand away. He turned to the other boy who had similar hair to his own. He smiled and stuck his hand out to Dan as well. 

“I'm Chris,” He said. Dan shook his hand, nodding. They sat down at the table and Phil was the first one to speak. He talked randomly about something Dan didn't understand, and so Dan decided he could tune out. He tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling about him, trying to calm his nerves. Admittedly, he wasn't the best with new people. Dan had just gotten to his point of thinking where he was going back and forth in his head, when he was snapped out of his thoughts.  

“Right Dan?” Dan couldn't tell who was speaking but he looked at the people around him, and noticed all of their eyes were on him. 

“Huh?” Dan said quietly, his cheeks heating up. Phil frowned a bit, and Dan felt a pang of something in his chest. 

“I asked you to confirm that you were, you know,” Phil whispered to Dan. Dan sat up straight in his seat and smoothed out his shirt in nervous habit. 

“A vampire? Yes, I am.” Dan said while he looked down. 

“Prove it!” One of the men, Chris? Said. Dan's head shot up and he squinted at him. He felt sort of offended they didn't just believe him. He growled and showed his teeth. “Oh those are so fake!” He said and Dan was shocked. 

“Excuse me?” Dan yelled, pushing himself out of his chair forceful enough to knock it over. He leant over the table and got up close to Chris, his sharp teeth visible in the scowl he held. “You want me to bite you to prove it? Cause I wouldn't mind drinking all the blood form your body.” Chris was shaking and leant back in his chair. Dan felt proud he scared the man, but that only lasted a second. Suddenly, his whole face and chest were wet. He sprung back and wiped at his eyes, glaring at the man who threw it. 

“Chris!” Phil said. Dan turned towards the man who committed the offense and sneered. 

“Holy water, really?” Dan shouted, advancing on the man. 

“PJ you said it was going to work!” Chris said frantically, turning towards the green-eyes boy beside him. 

“I thought it would!” PJ responded. Dan was ready to jump them, but Phil grabbed his arms and pulled him away. 

“I'm so sorry Dan, I'll talk to them. Wait here.” Phil pulled him out of the shop and had him wait outside. 

Dan couldn't see what Phil was saying, but he knew it was probably something rather mean. Dan snickered and turned away, resting against the window. 

“Are you guys serious? What were you going to do? Throw holy water on him and hope he burst into flames!?” Phil yelled, glaring at his best friends. 

“Well we didn't exactly think it through, it was just in case.” Chris said quietly. “But you saw him, he was going to bite me,” He motioned to where Dan stood outside. 

“No he wasn't Chris, he just likes to scare people.” Phil sighed, running his hands through his hair. He was just glad the workers of the shop were too busy with other people to care about what they were saying. 

“Look, we're sorry Phil, it was just something we brought in case. I told Chris not to use it unless it was completely necessary.” PJ slapped Chris's arm, who grimaced and rubbed at the spot. 

Phil sighed and turned around to look at Dan, who was leaning against the window. “Well I doubt he's going to want to come back in here so I should just take him home.” Phil turned back to the duo. “I'll try and convince him you guys didn't _want_ to kill him and maybe we can all hang out some other time.” 

Phil hugged either boy and said his goodbyes, swiftly exiting the coffee house. He smiled at Dan and looked at his still damp clothes. 

“I'm really sorry about my friends,” Phil said earnestly. “I can take you home so you change your clothes, since they're-um, wet.” 

Dan smirked and looked at his feet. “I don't own any other clothes, actually.” Phil scrunched his nose and tried to figure out if Dan was lying or not. 

“R-really?” Phil asked. Dan chuckled and looked back up into Phil's eyes. 

“Yeah, I can't afford clothes since I can't work. Lucky for me though, I don't age or grow so these will fit me forever.” Dan pulled his shirt away from his chest so it wouldn't stick. Phil frowned, but rolled his shoulders back to seem confident in his next words. 

“Well, then you're coming with me.” Before Dan could respond he grabbed his wrist and pulled him along towards his house. 

“Phil, what are you doing,” Dan rushed, trying not to stumble and fall flat on his face. Phil didn't respond, just kept speed-walking towards his house. Dan sighed in resignation and let himself be pulled, again. 

-

It took nothing more than ten minutes to get to Phil's house, or rather, flat. Phil took Dan up the first few flights of stairs to his apartment and unlocked the door. Dan hadn't said a word, which he figured could be either good or bad. He let Dan walk ahead of him into his flat, closing the door and locking it behind him. 

Dan looked around, noticing how childish and _Phil_ this place seemed. He felt Phil's eyes on him, and he knew that he was expected to say something. 

“You're flat is interesting.” Dan tried, cringing at his lack of vocabulary. Phil didn't seem to notice, only focusing on the apparent approval that Dan just gave his place.  

“Thanks!” Phil said, dropping his keys on the counter and walking over to Dan. He pulled at Dan's damp shirt and giggled. “You really need a bath.” Dan crinkled his nose and stuck his tongue out at Phil. 

“No I just need a change of clothes, thank you. I don't take baths.” Dan stated, turning his nose up to Phil.

“Showers?” Phil asked. Dan turned towards him. “Nope,” and Phil wrinkled his nose in near disgust. “What? I don't need to.” Dan scowled. 

“Apparently, you do.” Phil giggled and grabbed Dan's forearm. “Come on.”

-

“I hate you,” Dan stated, probably for the tenth time in the past five minutes alone. Phil giggled and reached across him to grab the soap. He squirted some shampoo into his hands and then placed it in Dan's hair. Dan growled. Phil just lathered in the shampoo, making Dan's hair temporarily into a Mohawk. “I can't believe you made me take a bath. This is ridiculous.” Phil rolled his eyes. “And now my boxers are all wet,” Dan mumbled under his breath.

“You're the one who wouldn't take them off.” Phil reminded him, using the bar of soap in the tray to scrub along Dan's back. 

“I took off as much as I'm comfortable with.” Dan grumbled. Phil laughed and continued to clean him. “Why did _you_ insist on cleaning me?” 

“Because Daniel, I know you don't know how to properly bathe, so I wanted to make sure you are actually clean before you wear my things.” Dan jerked away from him.

“Excuse me? I am _not_ wearing anything if you are the one who bought it. You're the worst dressed person I've met.”

“Guess you'll just walk around naked then, cause your clothes are all in the wash.” Phil said, getting up to grab a flannel to scrub Dan off with. Dan was shocked and then he was pissed, but before he could say anything to Phil, he was out of the room. Dan double checked the door before reaching over to where the shampoo rested on the edge of the tub. He put some into his hand and then rubbed his hands together like he saw Phil do. He then was stuck as to what to do, never using the kind of soap he had in his hands now. He decided to just splash them in the water to rinse them off, creating bubbles when he pulled his hands away. 

The bubbles floated up from the water and in front of Dan's face, and as a cat would, he watched as is popped in front of his nose. He jerked back in the water and make more bubbles. He began to pop the bubbles around him, finding a stupid kind of joy in doing so. Little did he know, Phil had see him do it. Though Phil knew he had too much of a fragile ego to actually let him know he saw it, so he walked out again. 

“Alright the flannel is ready!” Phil said loud enough before entering seconds later. Just as he thought, Dan was back to scowling and pretending like he hadn't just been popping bubbled like a two year old. Phil sat down again near the tub and took the flannel to Dan's back. Dan shivered when he ran it across his neck, and swatted at his hand. 

“Don't touch my neck.” Dan snapped. Phil rolled his eyes, thinking for a moment if he should do it to spite Dan, but deciding against it. He washed Dan's back and his arms, letting Dan get his legs and feet himself. When he was done with his body, he told Dan to lean his head back so he could rinse his hair out. He turned on the tap and used the shower head to rinse the foamy substance from Dan's hair. 

He then drained the tub and rinsed off Dan's body, helping him out of the tub so he wouldn't slip on the tile. He handed Dan the towels he had set out, and allowed him to dry off without interruption, grabbing the set out clothes and handing them to Dan behind the closed door. He waited for Dan to open the door again, and when he did, Phil couldn't hold back his smile. 

Instead of his usual dark attire, Dan donned a bright blue t-shirt, featuring nyan cat, and some of Phil's bright green pj's. Since Dan wouldn't want to wear his stuff outside, he figured he would just give Dan the brightest stuff to wear around his house, until his clothes were done. Dan looked positively livid with Phil's choice in clothing, but it was all he had. 

“I look ridiculous.” Dan said lowly, giving Phil nothing less than a death stare. 

“You look fine, come one, I'll dry your hair.” Phil pulled Dan along to his bedroom and sat him on his bed. 

“Even your bedroom is colorful. How do you live?” Dan said in fake awe. 

“Shut up, color adds a sense of homeyness.” Phil said, plugging in the hair dryer and turning it on. Dan flinched at the sound and stared at the machine. Phil put in up to Dan's head and Dan threw himself down on the bed to avoid it. “What are you doing Dan?”

“What are _you_ doing Phil!?” Phil could tell he was being serious. 

“Drying your hair?” 

“With that thing?” Dan yelled, scooting away further. 

“It's a blow dryer, have you really never seen one?” Dan shook his head and Phil turned it off. “Come here, ill show you.” Dan inched forwards towards Phil suspiciously. “It blows out warm air and dries your hair.” Phil turned in on the lowest setting. “See?” He grabbed Dan hand and put it under the machine. Dan flinched but let Phil show him. Phil slowly lifted it and turned it toward Dan's head and started to dry it. Dan was tense at first, but Phil ran his hand's through his hair and he relaxed. 

Phil used the blow dryer to dry Dan's hair, and Dan became more and more intrigued by it. He stuck his face into the stream of air and scrunched it up but didn't move. Phil nearly burst into laughter, Dan reminding him of a dog. Come to think of it, the way Dan acted about a lot of stuff was similar to the way a dog or a cat would act. 

Phil shook his head and dried the rest of Dan's hair before turning the machine off. “All done.” Dan was startled, but nodded and stood off the bed. Phil lead them out of the bedroom and to the lounge, where he pointed to the TV. “Turn that on would you, I'm going to make popcorn. We are going to watch some movies.” Phil winked and scurried off to the kitchen. 

Dan looked at the large black, flat box that sat on top of a stand and he tilted his head to the side in confusion. He inspected it, but didn't touch it, not sure what to do with it. He stood there for a good few minutes, which was enough to have Phil coming back from the kitchen. 

“Dan? Why didn't you turn the TV- you don't have a TV do you?” Phil laughed and placed the popcorn on the coffee table, walking over to Dan. 

“Of course I do! I just prefer it like this.” Dan made a humph noise and looked at Phil. 

“Really? Because I prefer it like this.” Phil picked up the remote and turned on the TV, and Dan stared in awe. He pressed his fingers hesitantly to the screen and pulled them away. 

“There are people in there.” Dan said, pressing his hand to the screen. Phil giggled and nodded. 

“Yeah but it's all recorded and stuff, they aren't actually there.” Phil turned around to sit on the couch and Dan was stood in front of the TV mouthing the word 'recorded' with a confused look on his features. “Dan why don't you have a seat?” Dan immediately dropped onto his butt and sat cross legged in front of the TV. Phil shook his head, going over to Dan and lifting him off the ground. “Why don't you have a seat _on the couch_ ,” Phil said with a laugh. 

Dan nodded and sat on the couch, staring intently at the TV screen. Phil plopped down beside him, lifting the bowl of popcorn to Dan. “Popcorn?” Dan crinkled his nose, but took a piece, popping it in his mouth. He immediately made a disgusted face and looked at Phil like he betrayed him. 

“This tastes nothing like corn!” Dan said, picking up another piece and looking at it. 

“It is, trust me, it just has a bunch of salt and butter on it. And it has been popped.” Dan tried another piece, and didn't make a face, but Phil knew he was still doubting the corniness of the food. 

Phil put on a movie to watch, pulled the blanket off the back of the sofa, and moved a bit closer to Dan. Dan hissed, but Phil rolled his eyes and pulled him closer. Dan stiffened in his touch but after a few minutes of Phil not backing off, he relaxed. Phil smiled and moved down so they were lying on the couch and pulled Dan closer to him. Dan gulped at the strange way they were lying but inevitably let himself be pulled in by Phil. Phil had one arm under Dan's torso and Dan ended up laying his head on Phil's shoulder.  

They watched the movie, and another, and another, until it was nearly four in the morning and both of them were tired. Phil surprisingly didn't fall asleep first though. Dan did. Not only that, but he ended up falling asleep on Phil's shoulder, arms wrapping around Phil's stomach in sleep. Phil gazed at the man sleeping on him, and he noticed how peaceful he looked while he slept. As everyone did, he supposed. Though to him it was different, because not everyone was Dan Howell; a very stubborn, very stuck up, old vampire that had a personality of a kitten. Dan seemed to hide his ignorance of the newer world behind a grumpy personality so he wouldn't appear dumb. Though Phil couldn't blame him, he also didn't think Dan was an idiot for not understanding all the stuff going on around him.

Phil smiled at Dan, brushing his fingers gently through his hair before lying down next to him and sleeping. 

-  
Dan had woken up beside a still sleeping Phil, confused and slightly shocked. He barely remembered going to sleep, but he knew he certainly _didn't_ fall asleep next to Phil. _Right_?

He pushed himself up onto his elbow, trying to figure out how to get up without waking Phil. It would be especially hard because he was on the inside of the couch, and getting _over_ Phil was the real problem. He slowly lifted himself off the couch, pulling the blanket off himself. He put one leg over Phil and onto the ground, now sort-of-straddling-him-but-not-really. He went to lift the other leg, but got it caught in the blankets and he ended up not only falling onto the floor, but pulling Phil on top of him. 

Phil awoke immediately upon landing. He sat up on his forearms and found himself inches from Dan's face. “Dan what happened?” Phil asked, confused as to why he was now lying in between Dan's legs on the floor next to his couch. Dan's cheeks turned scarlet and he pushed Phil up by the chest. 

“I was trying to get off the god forsaken couch but my leg got tangled in the blanket and it was a just a mess.” Dan said, standing up once Phil was off of him. Phil stood up with him and laughed a little. 

“Why didn't you wake me up?” Phil asked, genuinely wondering. Dan's cheeks heated up further and he couldn't answer because in all honesty, he didn't know. Phil just rolled his eyes, took his hand, and led him into the kitchen. “let's eat breakfast, dork.” Dan grumbled but followed. 

-

Dan left that day hearing a 'see you soon' from Phil, who insisted on giving Dan his number. Though Dan would never use it, because he didn't have a phone. He went home to his very huge seeming house, and his life went on.

Though weeks later, after not seeing or hearing from Phil, Dan felt uneasy. Like he needed to hear the annoying ring of Phil's happy voice. He found the nearest phone booth and called the number he had memorized on the walk home that day.

Three rings later and Phil answered in his usual chirpy voice, and Dan felt his throat close up. He had no idea what to say, not planning this through. 

“Um hello? I can hear you breathing. If this is a prank call-”

“Hi Phil.” Dan said plainly, hearing the voice on the other end stop. 

“Dan? Is that you?” Phil said, his voice breaking slightly due to connection.

“Yeah it's me.” Dan replied. Shortly after he heard a cough and Phil's voice again.

“Haven't heard from you in a while. Thought you were tired of me.” Phil laughed, but it wasn't a genuine one. “You didn't call and stuff so yeah.” Dan imagined Phil scratching the back of his neck, like he seemed to do when he was nervous. Not that Dan really _cared_ or paid attention to Phil's habits. 

“That's cause I don't have a phone.” Dan said honestly, biting his lip. Phil didn't laugh at him like he thought he would though. He simply replied with a 'oh right, I totally forgot!' like he had been the one at fault. “You should come over again, we can watch more movies and stuff.” Phil said enthusiastically.

“As long as you don't make anymore of that popcorn stuff. It was awful.” Dan replied.

“I won't old man.” Phil said, laughing. “Ill see you in a few.” Dan nodded and hung up, beginning to walk in the direction of Phil's house. 

He got there not fifteen minutes later, and when Phil opened the door, he was pulled inside by his wrist. 

-

They watched movies again, and Dan fell asleep first again. Though this time, Phil didn't go to sleep with him, he quickly ran into his bedroom and closed the door softly. See, as Dan had called at a later time in the day then most normal humans would, he caught Phil in a sort of awkward time. 

Phil ran over to his bed, pulling his laptop out from under his bed and pulling up the website he had been on before. He unzips his fly and pulls down his pants to his ankles. He had to make this quick, because Dan could wake up at any moment. He pulled up a video he would frequently watch while doing this and leant back into his pillows. 

The men on screen made out for a while, but not long into the video they began to undress each other. The video cut to one of them rolling on a condom and Phil's breathing increased. He trailed one of his hands down his chest to where his boxers stopped. He slowly pulled them lower and groaned when his member was exposed to the cold air in the room. He wrapped his fingers loosely around himself and moved them gently up and down, still watching the men on the screen. He groaned and worked himself closer with his hand, not teasing himself too much. He need to be quick. He gripped his cock firmer and stroked fast trying hard to muffle his noises. 

Though that didn't work too well. 

Dan woke up from his sleep on the couch because of some of Phil's louder noises. It didn't help that his hearing was much better than normal so he heard basically everything. Though he wasn't embarrassed he heard the noises or grossed out. He was confused. He had never heard them before, and he thought something was wrong with Phil.  He jumped up from the couch and scurried towards the bedroom, finding the door slightly ajar. He pushed it open and walked in on Phil. 

"Phil?" He asked, his face scrunching up when he saw Phil. 

Phil was pulled out of his pleasure by Dan's voice, quickly scrambling to cover himself. "D-Dan what are you doing?" He pulled his duvet up to his stomach so his dick was completely covered. 

"I could ask the same thing," Dan said, walking towards Phil. Phil pushed himself backwards up to the headboard, trying to get away from Dan. Then he looked over to his laptop, where the porn he had on previously, was still playing. He couldn't move forward to stop it, because then Dan would see how hard he was, but he also couldn't let Dan see the thing that was playing on screen. 

Just as Dan reached the end of the bed, Phil had to just hope Dan didn't look at his laptop. He pulled the covers tighter around himself to try and conceal his hard on, and Dan being so close was _not_ helping the situation. 

Dan cocked his head, looking at the way Phil was flushed and red, slightly sweaty. "Are you sick?" He asked, reaching over and placing his hand on Phil's forehead. Phil flinched and scrunched his face up in confusion, pulling his face away from Dan. 

"W-what?" Phil said looking at Dan's face to see if he was kidding. He looked completely serious. 

"You look sick, your face is all red and-" Dan was cut off by a particularly loud moan that came from the laptop beside him. He turned his head and looked at the screen to see two men doing things that Dan didn't _exactly_ understand. Phil was mortified when he saw Dan look at the screen, but he noticed Dan didn't look grossed out. He looked confused. Again. 

Dan turned the laptop towards himself so he could see everything better, and he watched as the men on screen moved together.  He felt something tighten in his stomach and grabbed at it, looking down. He saw his pants sticking out slightly and he blinked in confusion. 

Phil saw the confusion on his face and he stared at him. Dan looked confused, as to why he was- 

Then it hit him. Dan had been alive a long time ago, when maybe things like masturbation weren't exactly something everyone did regularly. Dan only looked maybe twenty years old, maybe he had never-

"Dan?" Dan looked up at him, his eyes open wide. "Have you never, uh, gotten off?" Dan furrowed his brows. 

"Have I what?" Dan asked, looking back at the screen and feeling his pants get tighter. His penis pressed up against his zipper harshly and he sucked in air through his teeth. 

Phil chuckled under his breath, putting his arms down into his lap. "Come here." He patted the bed in front of himself and Dan raised one eyebrow but obeyed. He sat on his legs in front of Phil, his hands resting on his thighs. He looked at Phil to see what he would do. 

Phil moved closer to Dan, noticing that Dan was watching his every move. "Tell me if you want me to stop okay?" Dan nods and watches as Phil reaches forwards towards his pants. Phil checks to make sure Dan is okay, before he slowly unzips Dan's zipper and undoes the button. Dan is bewildered, having zero clue what Phil was doing. Phil slowly reaches in his pants and grips him lightly, not taking his eyes off Dan once. 

Dan moans at the contact, one hand going up to grip Phil's wrist. "How does it feel?" Phil asks, flexing his hand to stimulate Dan. Dan breathes out loudly, closing his eyes. 

"It-it's," Dan let out a shaky, pleasure filled breath. "Nice." Phil smiled and began stoking Dan over his boxers. Dan gripped at Phil's wrist harder, feeling overwhelmed with the new feeling. Phil watches as Dan's face twists in pleasure, a shudder running up his spine. Dan starts pushing his hips forward into Phil's hand, gaining speed as the feeling in his stomach increases. Little noises and whimpers fell from Dan's mouth, and it was much hotter than the men Phil had been watching before. 

Phil thinks of something, taking his hand out of Dan's pants, to which Dan whines loudly. "Lay back Dan," Dan quickly does as he's told, and Phil moves onto Dan's legs, completely exposing himself. 

Dan visibly blushed and stares at Phil as he takes his pants down. Once they are both exposed, Dan's cheeks are as red as they can be. Phil smiles gently at Dan, taking them both in his hand and pumping. Dan's breath catches and he arches his back into it, watching Phil as he leans over him. Phil licks his lips, noticing Dan's stare and continuing pleasuring both of them. Dan bites his lip, closing his eyes and letting the feeling of Phil's fingers on him be all that he feels. 

Dan grips the bed sheets till his knuckles turn white, feeling his stomach tightening. "Ah!" Dan yells, kicking his legs out as the feeling gets almost painful before dispersing. White liquid spills over his chest, and he arches his back, wiggling around as it keeps coming. Phil smirks and strokes Dan through what was probably his first orgasm, feeling himself teetering on edge. 

Phil comes not moments later, stroking himself through it, his hand still wrapped around both of them. Dan whimpers, his body jerking up when the feeling gets too much. Phil stops his motion, turning around to wipe his hand on his boxers. He turn back to see Dan, who is completely spent, flushed and sweaty. He smiles and wipes Dan off with their discarded boxers, pulling the duvet over him. Dan falls asleep with a hint of a smile on his face. 

Phil takes his laptop and closes it, putting it on the floor beside them, then crawled back over to lay next to Dan. 

-  
Dan wakes up to a warm body wrapped around him, and he is beyond confused. He blinks the sleep out of his eyes, looking down at the pale arms around his torso. He jerks away and Phil's head shoots up immediately. His hair is a mess and sticking up in different places, his eyes are red from his contacts being in his eyes all night. “Dan?” Dan stares at Phil, bewildered. Phil sits up and yawns, and that's when Dan registers they are both naked and he blushes, reaching forward to grab the duvet to cover himself. 

“Dan I've seen you naked already you don't have to hide,” Dan blushed more and Phil rolls his eyes. “You know you blush a lot for a three hundred year old grumpy vampire.” Dan puffs his cheeks out in indignation, but rolls his eyes anyways at Phil's statement.

Dan sits on the edge of the bed and Phil scoots closer to him. “So was yesterday the first time you ever gotten off?”

“I still don't know what that means Phil,” Dan points out. Phil nods his head.

“Alright was last night the first time you,” Phil thinks for a moment for a phrase Dan would understand. “Felt the way you did?” Dan contemplates his answer, then nods.

“Yeah,” He says quietly, looking into Phil's eyes. Phil smiles. “So that feeling is 'getting off'?” Dan asks.

Phil giggles and shakes his head. “No the action is. The feeling is called 'orgasming,' pretty great isn't it?” 

Dan's face erupts into a scarlet blush and he nods meekly. “Well it's really no wonder that you've been grumpy. You've been alive hundreds of years yet you've never gotten off.” Dan growls at him, slapping his bare arm and making him yelp. “See what I mean?” Dan slumps his shoulders in defeat, rolling his eyes when Phil starts into hysterical laughter. 

-

After that Dan wasn't outwardly cold towards Phil, instead letting him know more about himself. It was something he had never done before, sharing his life, but he thought if he was going to share it with anyone it might as well be Phil. Phil listened and in return shared his own life and strange experiences. Dan retorted every time Phil said he had the worst experiences with weird people, that he had never ever met people who were vampire obsessed. 

“I swear they can smell vampires because they all just find me. Like I've had people ask me if they can take a sample of my skin. It's weird.” Phil laughed and admitted he hadn't had people do that. 

Dan couldn't help watching while Phil laughed, seeing his tongue poke out between his teeth. He couldn't help watching as Phil told his strange experiencing, seeing how expressive Phil was. And he definitely couldn't help watching as Phil smiled at him every time he would say something equally as enthusiastic. Dan felt something changing with Phil and he didn't know how to explain it. All he knew is he wanted to make Phil smile all the time. 

Phil noticed the change as well. He noticed Dan smiling more, and he had realized when it first happened that it was the first time he had seen truly smile. He liked it a lot. He liked a lot of things about Dan actually. He liked Dan's smile, and his curly hair when he first wakes up from falling asleep on his couch, he liked Dan's childlike attitude towards things he didn't know, and the innocence he held in everything he did even when he tried to cover it up with a cold mask. Phil slowly realized he had feelings for Dan, and he had some hope that Dan had some for him. Though the way Dan had been acting, he seemed like he did. Although without even saying it, Phil knew Dan didn't know much about relationships so he would have to take it slowly. 

Dan smiled as he told the next strange story of people throwing various items at him and on him because they found out he was a vampire. 

-

“So how's it going with the stuck up vampire-boy?” Chris asks as he puts down his coffee. Phil rolls his eyes and smiles.

“He's actually really nice. He's started to open up.” Chris snorts. “I'm serious! See I have a theory as to why he's always so angry. He's, what, three hundred years old? He's new to this _new_ world and maybe he is a little scared of it, but he doesn't want to show it cause it would make him look weak.” Chris nods and looks at Phil. 

“So what you're saying is, he's grumpy cause he doesn't want to look weak?”

“Or stupid.” Phil adds. 

“Well maybe you should inform him that that isn't a way to do it. And being ignorant to the world around him doesn't mean he isn't intelligent.” Chris says. Phil nods. 

“Yeah,” His mind wonders of and he stares into space. 

“There is something else isn't there?” Phil jumps and looks into Chris's knowing eyes. 

“I think I like him Chris,” Phil runs his hand through his hair. 

“And? You already know you're gay as hell, what's the problem?”

“Well, there's loads. He's pretty young Chris, and there is no telling if he has ever been in a relationship. Or if he even knows what liking someone feels like. And, what if, what if back when he was born it wasn't okay to be gay? Or what if he's homophobic-”

“Chill Phil,” Chris giggles at his rhyme. “Look why don't you just ask him? Doesn't hurt to ask. If you find out he's homophobic then you know it's not meant to be. And if you find out he's gay or whatever, I say go for it. Ask him out. You won't know until you ask right? You should find out sooner rather than later if it's worth your time to like him, and if it isn't you can start getting over him.” Chris leans back in his chair. Phil smiles a bit and nods at Chris.

“Thanks Chris, really.” He stand up, hugs Chris. “Well go on Romeo, go get you're Juliet.” Phil rolls his eyes and then leaves to go to Dan's house.

Dan's house is a bit of a walk, but Phil manages it. He thinks of the first time he walked this way, to where Dan lived. Dan was hesitant to let Phil know claiming he would 'annoy him at random times' but he knew Dan didn't actually mind. Phil reaches the steps of Dan's giant house, knocks on the old oak door, and seconds later Dan opens the door and greets Phil with a smile. Which is different. Phil thinks he likes it a lot. 

“Phil? What brings you over?” Dan asks, stepping aside to let Phil in. Phil smiles gently and steps into Dan's house. When he gets fully into the house, he takes it in. He had never actually been in the house, as he had only been walking Dan home when he had been here last. Though when he looks around, he can't help but think how _Dan_ it is. The old bookshelf full of books with their bindings falling off from use, the slight dust collected on the shelves around eye-level because he knows Dan never cleans, and most of all the smell reminds him of Dan. It smells _warm_ just as Dan does and he can't explain it but its the most calming sensation he's ever felt. The surrounding warmth from Dan simply being around. 

“Can't someone just come over to talk to their friend?” Phil asks, stepping into Dan's slightly over sized kitchen that he knew Dan did not use for cooking. Dan chuckles and motions for Phil to sit on the bar stool next to him after he had taken a seat. 

“Yes anyone else I would believe could do that, but you always have some devious reason. Tell me.” Dan joked, staring intently into Phil's eyes. Phil blushed and turned away to look at the clear vase in front of him. 

“Alright I have a motive but I have to ask you something first.” Phil reaches up and plays with the scarlet flower in the vase absentmindedly. He sees Dan turn his head to the side, and he lets out a breath to prepare himself to ask. “Do you know what being gay is?” Dan furrows his brows, tapping his chin with his index finger for a moment.

“Being happy, right?” Dan responds. His face shows that he has no idea why someone would ask what the term meant or why they would bring it up. Phil laughs.

“Uh, well that's kind of changed Dan see-”

“Ugh more things changing? Great!” Dan laughs at himself. “Go on.”

“Now it's used to describe someone that likes somebody of the same gender. Like a boy liking a boy?” Phil said it like he was asking a question, which he kind of was. What was Dan going to respond like?

“Oh.” Was all Dan said, he studied Phil's face. “Are you gay Phil?” Dan asks, looking deeply into Phil's eyes. Phil swallows and nods. Dan nods absently back, not really paying attention to his actions. “I think I might be too Phil.” Dan said, staring at the wooden floor beneath their feet. Phil smiles and lifts his chin, brushing his fingertips over Dan's soft cheeks.

“That's okay, Dan. It's perfectly okay.” Phil smiles at Dan softly. “I do have a follow up question though.” Dan quirks his eyebrows in confusion. “Yeah?” He asks, not having to say  it louder than a whisper as Phil was so close. 

“Can I kiss you?” Phil asks. 

“I've never kissed anyone before.” Dan replies, blushing and looking down. “But yes, I would definitely want you to kiss me.” 

“Okay.” Phil says before pressing his lips gently against Dan's. It's nothing extraordinary, but it's warm and soft and so _Dan_ that Phil's head begins to spin. Dan giggles against his lips, a noise that Phil wouldn't have heard a while ago if he hadn't stuck around with the grumpy 'vampire-boy' as Chris called him. Phil pulls back from the kiss, keeping their heads together and letting their breath mingle together. Dan was smiling, actually smiling, and he hadn't really done that much before Phil came along. 

Dan went to wrap his arms around him when his elbow hit the vase beside them and it tipped over, spilling it's contents onto the counter and Phil's lap. “Looks like it's not me at fault this time.” Dan was confused but he suddenly remembered the Starbucks and their first meeting. He rolled his eyes and picked up the vase. Phil went around the counter to grab paper towels when he noticed the red flower lying on the floor. He picked it up and noticed how dead the flower looked.

“Should I just throw this thing away? It's a bit gross.” Dan whipped around and grabbed for the flower. 

“Phil! You can't throw it away.”

“Why not?”

“Don't you recognize it?” Dan held it out for Phil to see and Phil's mind lit up with the memory of the flower he gave to Dan. 

“The flower I gave to you all that time ago.”

“Indeed.” Dan said, placing it back into the vase he had previously tipped. “I did a bit of research, its apparently called a 'scarlet pimpernel.'”

“Why's it called that?” Dan smiled and kissed Phil's cheek softly. “It has it's reasons.” Phil rolled his eyes 'you and your silly symbolism' he mumbled as he helped clean up the rest of the water. 

**”The Scarlet Pimpernel (Anagallis arvensis) is a tiny wildflower of the lily family. It symbolizes change, particularly a major life change.”**


End file.
